Friday, February 27, 2015

How To Avoid Getting Shot By the Police

Life is wonderful and life is grand. While it is important to make your stand, you should never do so, when facing off, with an armed police officer, who is full of built up anger and rage! Remember that police officers deal with all kinds of crazy individuals each day. This has turned them into psychotic and destructive individuals. Getting in an altercation with an officer can be dangerous, scary and life threatening. This is why it is crucial to know how to handle yourself, so you do not become a statistic! Use the guide below to handle yourself in a smooth manner and avoid being gunned down in the streets of America.

Freeze!

Cops are like bulls. If you move, they're going to run you down, put you on the ground and smash the heck out of your face. Do not move! If you're driving a car, you should pull to the side of the road immediately, in order to avoid having your face disfigured.

Running is bad!

When the cops approach, many people feel the instinct to get up and run. This is a frequent method of dealing, with the police, but most people do it wrong. The best way to handle the situation is not to run away. This shows that you're afraid and have something to hide. Instead, drop down like a linebacker, plant your feet and charge towards the officer. This will let him or her know that you're fully prepared to accept and comply, with their orders.

Scratching

While being detained, by the police, it is of the utmost importance that you remain very still and keep your hands, where they can be seen. Even if you feel the need to scratch your pubs, you shouldn't. Placing your hands anywhere near your unit is a terrible idea and will make the cop think you're up for a little dirty action. You will be slammed to the ground, or you'll have your nuts caved into your skull. If you don't want ruptured testicles, you'll keep your hands away from your ball sack.

Speaking the lingo

Police officers are holy souls, who stray from holy path. Therefore, you need to speak to them accordingly. It is imperative that you take the time to learn their lingo, because these wild animals will attack, at the first sign of aggression. Take your time and speak very slowly! This will prevent the officer from being overwhelmed, with the steady flow of words being hurled in their direction. These individuals love words like "please" and "thank you". Throw in a few "sirs" and "yes Mam's" and your survival rate will increase by 20%!

The Hood is No Good

American police officers have a long history of being attacked, by individuals wearing hoodies. This has altered and diminished their perception of the hoodie, which is a wonderful article of clothing that can keep you warm and dry. Cops hate hoodies, with a passion. As soon as you encounter an officer, take the hood off, especially if the hoodie is dark! The only suitable hoodie to wear, when encountering police is the white one, with cut out eyeballs and a pointy top.

Don't Be Black

Lets face it. Being black is going to significantly decrease your chance of survival, by as much as 50%. Therefore, you're going to need to find an alternative. If you have the opportunity and time, you should consider investing in some Caucasian skin toned paint or skin masque. This will help a lot! Otherwise, you're going to be in a struggle for your life, as soon as the police confronts you. Your only options is dropping to the ground and covering up, or booking it. Thankfully, most officers are out of shape and unable to run for a few feet, however you may need to dodge bullets, as you go.

Eating a Sandwich is Instant Death

Police officer salaries are very poor. So poor, in fact that police cannot afford gourmet sandwiches. If you are spotted eating one of these delicious delectables, you will be gunned down on sight. Do not finish your sandwich in front of an officer, instead offer him your meal and you may very well be spared. Otherwise, you're going to become a statistics.

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