Tuesday, February 24, 2015

How to Use Facebook Like a Pro Part 1

Facebook is, without a doubt, one of the most popular social media networks on the planet! Everyone, who knows how to properly use a keyboard, is a member of the site, with many people carrying a portable version everywhere they do. Some use it for marketing, while others use it for dating. Of course, some people use Facebook like a pro. In this guide, you will learn how to use the website, as a professional Facebook user.

Facebook Prayer
Facebook Christ

Praise the Lord

The first step is really simple! It doesn't matter what you've done, what you plan on doing or who all knows about your seedy past. As long as you know how to pull off this clever little trick, you will become a Saint in the eyes of your Facebook friends! First, go find some nice and insightful religious sayings, pictures and quotes. Now, get ready! GO! Post these all over your Facebook page! Be sure to encourage engagements, because this will improve your Sainthood among your comrades. Do this, by telling others to link and share your post, if they are also Facebook Christians. Afterwards, you can run right out and snort some heroine. Just repeat the process to have your sins removed! Remember, Facebook Christ is very forgiving! Send Prayers Please!

Pictures! Lots of Pictures!

You're going to need to take lots of pictures of yourself, your kids, your dogs, your bathroom, underneath your bed, inside of your washer and dryer! Heck, forget that! Get a colonoscopy and make the doctor give you some of the images! From there, you'll want to share these pictures again and again! Make sure to keep the picture, which shows you in the best light, at the top of your page. This will make you look better than you really do. With this tip, everyone will know that you're a professional Facebook user and are on your way to becoming a star!

Drama Facebook
Drama on Facebook

Drama, Delete, Drama and Delete

In order to truly become a Facebook professional, you're going to need to stir up lots of drama. If you have a terribly miserable life, like everyone else, you've already got a head start! The crazier and more brutal the drama, the more experience you will gain, within this game called Facebook. For instance, you will want to collect drama, about being abused, harassed, robbed and ripped off! This is very powerful bait and will lure in your Friends to join the conversation! They'll instantly feel sorry for you and make you feel better! What they don't know? You're a Facebook Pro and this is how you roll! Ohhh yea!

Leave It Open Ended

As a Facebook Pro, you need to make sure to leave luring comments for your Facebook puppets, errr I mean friends. In order to do this, you'll want to use open ended comments, such as, "I just got some good news!", or "I am moving". Of course, negative statements are even more effective! If you're really serious about catering to your puppets, you'll want to say something like, "Oh lord! I've just been diagnosed!" or "The doctor gave me bad news :(". This will be an instant hit with your friends!

Same user several hours later


Facebook is a place, where you can be anyone that you want to be. However, only professional users will truly master the social media network. Once you've done this, you'll be able string people along, while forgetting about your pathetic, miserable life away from the screen. Be sure to implement these strategies on a weekly basis, in order to improve your stature, as a Facebook Celebrity.

P.S. Being diagnosed, with a life threatening or debilitating illnesses and altering your Facebook puppets, will make you an instant Facebook Pro!

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