Wednesday, March 11, 2015

How To Apply For Medicaid

autism retard

Millions of people are currently surviving on Medicaid, food stamps, and other government aid payouts. While these lucky individuals have scored these benefits, others are still trying to get approved. It truly is not that difficult to get your government aid payment, if you continue to follow the steps below, you will be well on your way to becoming a government statistic.

Mental Disabilities

Mental disabilities are a full requirement of the Medicaid program. Of course, you are going to need a true diagnosis of one of these disorders and to get that you will need to see a psychiatrist. You will not only have to know the signs and symptoms of the mental disorder, you will also have to play the part. Practice always makes perfect in this case so it is important that you learn how to act like a mental case. 

Mental Disability Physical & Mental Attributes

  • Speech impediments
  • Repetitive behavior
  • Drooling 
  • Paranoia
  • Anti-social
  • Yell out like a banshee
  • Uncontrolled masturbation
  • Fecal & bladder incontinence (shatting and pissing yourself)

Intellectual Level

Of course, you are never going to get approved for Medicaid, if you are intelligent. Your IQ level must be lower than 70, which should not be that difficult to achieve. Now, this is not to say that you cannot pull this off, because you can. There are many websites that will allow you to test your intelligence level for absolutely free. 


When your appointment day rolls around, there are several different props that you should take with you, just to show the social worker that you are qualified for Medicaid.

  • Walking Cane or walker
  • Retard Helmet
  • Superman costume
  • Special Olympic medals

Forming Sentences

Low intelligent individuals will not be capable of forming a long sentence. Your sentences should contain no more than five words. For example: “Me are needen’ get Medicaid” or “Me want Medicaid and Welfare”. Now you may ask, “why do I need to say Medicaid and welfare perfectly?” The main reason for this is you want the social worker to be able to comprehend your reasoning for making an appointment at the Medicaid office. If you are incomprehensible, they will try to send you packing and that would be devastating. 

Join Special Olympics

It is vital to your approval that you join Special Olympics. Now this does not mean that you are going to be able to sign your name on the Special Olympics form and not compete. No! You are going to have to compete and win. The great thing about the Special Olympics is that everyone receives a medal, even if they come in last so you should be able to pass this test with flying colors.

A Sure Sign Of Insanity

If you want to pull off the insanity act, then you are going to be forced to talk to yourself. 

  • Inappropriate responses
  • Berate yourself
  • Freak out, when someone passes you by
  • Laugh and smile for no reason, at all
  • Replay conversations or questions
  • Speak very loudly
  • Behave idiotically
  • Act like an Autistic


It is vital that you start practicing these very important actions several weeks, prior to your appointment. If you can pull this off, then you become a ward of the state in no time, at all. You will never have to work again because all the hard working folks will be more than glad to chip in for your cause. Your voucher will arrive every first of the month in your mail box. If you do decide to have children, you will be able to add them to your Medicaid, as well. Start teaching him/her how to act and behave like an autism child very early on so that you will have no problem convincing the social workers that they are legitimate. 

Oh Yeah! Vote for the democrats to keep the government run programs going.

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