Monday, March 16, 2015

How To Become a Success in America

We've all heard those morbidly obese Americans spout their lips about something regarding an American dream. What exactly is this concept? Is this what these fatties refer to, when they nap on their couches all morning, while watching Jerry Springer? Or perhaps this is something involving the American dollar? In this guide, you will discover how it is possible to obtain and live the American dream, without hurting yourself, or exerting any strenuous energy. Wow, doesn't it feel good to be an American?

What Exactly Is the American Dream?

In today's ever-changing society, this can certainly be a difficult question to answer, but one must remember that the American dream is actually different from individual to individual. For some, living the dream is working an 8 to 5 job, making a good living and having a nice family. Of course, Americans aren't content with realistic standards. The majority believe it is imperative to live a life of luxury, by signing up for government assistance, snorting pills, and wasting their welfare on big screen televisions and the latest iPhones.

Achieving your Dream

If you wish to take the hard route, you'll want to head out to your local stores and grab some job applications, or take the long road and enroll in a higher learning institute. Nah, forget all that! This is America! Here, the government will pay you just for being a citizen of the country. Toss out of those job applications and get yourself some government assistance applications, preferably welfare, food stamps and SSI. Start with food stamps, since they're the easiest to get.

For SSI, you're going to need to perfect your retardation, since you'll have to convince a government office that you're mentally incapacitated. This shouldn't be too difficult, since you are an American after all. Once you've obtain SSI, you will be bringing in enough money to live a pretty good life. Still, America is the land of excess and you'll want to take things further.

New Methods for Additional Income

Once you've obtained the above income sources, it is time to optimize everything. First, you'll want to practice walking with a limp, or exhibiting the symptoms of a bad back. After this, you'll want to head to your local doctor's office. Do your best to gain access to prescription medications. You may need to go on a little doctor shopping excursion, but it will be worth it in the end. Take a few of the pills, so you can beat those naughty drug tests, but you don't want to get hooked. Instead, sell the devil to everyone and anyone, who has the money.

Lastly, sign up for free Internet from Comcast, because ya know, they'll give it to you, while raping their paying customers. Hit up those classy dating websites, such as Craigslist and Backpage. From here, you can sucker people into giving you money for your ailing granddad. This isn't too difficult, but it might get you a lot of online hate. Just pop a few of those pills and nothing will matter.


In today's America, the working man, or woman, is certainly a fool. It is possible to live a much better life, by relying on governmental aids. Remember that the government will never take these things from you and you'll be able to live your life fully dependent on their services. Congratulations, you've secured the American dream!

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