Sunday, March 1, 2015

How To Know You're a True TWD Fan

The Walking Dead is one of the most popular and successful shows currently on television. Some claim to be TWD fans, because their friends are. They watch, in order to have something to talk about the following Monday morning. Others, pretend to watch the show, read the reviews and brag to their friends how cool it was, despite never watching it! Do you really think you're a true TWD fan? Compare yourself to the characteristics below to determine, whether or not it is true.

You LOVE Commercials

Let's face it, the Walking Dead isn't a show, it is a walking infomercial. In between the 10 minute long commercial breaks, you witness commercials and placement ads throughout the show. Is that zombie carrying an iPhone? I wouldn't doubt it! Is Daryl over there in the corner using a Beth fleshlight? Yep, getting pretty bad isn't it? If you can make it through the entire hour of TWD, you've taking in 30 minutes of commercials, 10 placement ads and 30 minutes of zombie fun.

You're Extremely Patient

The Walking Dead isn't the type of show that excites, captivates and enthralls you throughout. Nah, this is the type of show that opens big and ends big, with very little in between. You might find a few exciting moments here and there, but the show relies on big finishes and shocking hooks to keep viewers tuning in from week to week. If you like the show, you should consider checking out your local DMV office. There, you will find plenty of boredom and mindless zombies to keep you entertained.

Can you Suspend Reality?

The truth of the matter is that The Walking Dead isn't 100% realistic, or even 70% realistic for that matter. In fact, it wouldn't be stretching the truth to suggest one would have to suspend reality, in order to like the show. At one pump, Hershel dumped enough bullets to supply the entire US army. Also, it is noticeable the characters don't bother aiming, before firing. Nah, they just pick up their weapon, shoot, run, shoot, and run. Still, they manage to pull over some awesome head shots.

You don't understand basic human needs

Do you understand the basic human needs? Surely you do. Food, water, air! How come you like TWD then? After the first two seasons, the group has been able to curb their appetites, yet go without becoming super model zeros, or passing out on the scales like a mixed martial artist. Again, you're suspending reality here, unless you're just a nincompoop.

Nothing Is, Was, or Ever will be better!

As a true fan of TWD, it is your duty to seek out those, who suggest the show is lame, crappy, or even has a bad episode. You must attack them on sight. Be sure to throw in a few comments about the show's ratings, since highly rated shows are always the best! It is also helpful to toss in some comments about the show's outstanding character development. If all else fails, throw in a few meme pictures to move the conversation elsewhere.

You Don't/Can't Read

You're obviously hyped up week to week trying to figure out what exactly is going to happen on the next episode of TWD. Wouldn't it be wonderful, if you could somehow magically look into the future and see exactly what was going to happen? If only there was a way. Don't worry the picture books aren't too difficult to understand. It's not like AMC keeps their spoilers tightly sealed or anything.

You can make it through The Talking Dead

If there is a human, who is capable of making it through an entire episode of The Talking Dead, they must be totally deaf. Sure, it is nice to know that some washed up celebrities enjoy your favorite show, but how can anyone stand listening to Chris Hardwick? He'd make a perfect host on that old G4 channel! Oh…..wait. Being born in Louisville, Ky, but having no accent? This guy is faker than Rick's beard, much like the celebrities, who "love" this show. Money is a strong tonic.

You're terribly racist

If you've been watching TWD from the very beginning, you should be totally ashamed of yourself. You're a complete and total racist. It is fairly clear from the comics and show that Robert Kirkman is at best a closeted racist and at worst an Imperial Wizard. All black characters are weak, feeble or downright stupid and those that aren't don't last a season. TWD is completely racist and you're a racist for watching it. If you can handle that fact, you're a true fan of The Walking Dead.

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