Thursday, March 12, 2015

Obama Drama: President Obama Biography

On the grimy streets of Honolulu, Hawaii, a furious storm brewed on August the 4th of 1961. In a secluded, filthy alleyway, Stanley Ann Dunham clutched her thigh and screamed out in pain, as she pushed, huffed and puffed. After some strenuous effort, Dunham finally felt alleviation, as the cloud parted and the rain ceased. He was born! From the chorus of heaven, a solemn orchestra of Amazing Grace run down on the boy, who would be named Barry Soetoro, aka Barack Hussein Obama.




Before Birth

Despite in-depth studies of the 44th President's life, history buffs have failed to discover a male lineage in Sir Obama's life. While many point to Lolo Soetoro, others suggest Barack Obama, Sr. to be the real father. However, a recent revelation from famed historian, Alexandria Jones, suggests Dunham conceived her only son, during her stay in Wichita, Kansas. Jones insists Dunham had a fling with Christ Lutheran Church President, Dennis Rader. This would certainly explain Sir Obama's Presidential aspirations, since he would want to follow in the footsteps of his esteemed father.

The Choom Gang

At a very young age, Sir Obama was introduced to marijuana and he soon found himself living on the streets, peddling stolen wares and sleeping on the streets. During this homeless stint, Barry took a strong liking to cocaine. While experimenting with these illegal street drugs, Barry began to experiment on himself. As recent studies suggest, marijuana can indeed turn you gay and, in this case, it certainly did. There were many times, when Barry was forced to deliver sexual favors, in order to get a meal or achieve another high.

When Barry reached the age of 16, his brothers, within the Choom Gang, found themselves in a life or death struggle against a rival gang, the United Samoan Organization. During a brutal meeting, Barry was forced to take up arms and defend his brothers. Many historians believe Barry murdered at least three men, during his run with the Choom Gang, but this cannot be confirmed. When questioned above this, Barry simply said, "I am a bad mother", before quietening and placing his hand over his mouth.

The College Years

In the mid 1980s, Barry found his calling, when he discovered art, specifically nude figure painting. According to his school mates, Barry's works were simple, but extravagant. Sadly, his style never caught on and he would later go into politics, where he would meet Larry Sinclair. With Sinclair's guidance, Barry was able to hide himself, as a closeted homosexual and cocaine addict. It is certainly true that Obama has had a rough reign as president, but nothing can compare to the roughness of his venture, with Mr. Sinclair.

The Senator Years

After graduating college, Obama would successfully run for Senator, with the support of his wife, Larry Sinclair. However, it was during this time that his presidential aspirations grew. With Al Sharpton in charge, Sir Obama was forced to play it straight and dump his former lover. In mid 1989, the Sharpton and Soetoro pair successfully managed to coax Michelle Robinson into playing house with the soon to be president. With that, the stage was set!

Presidential Years

From then on, Barry's past life would have to be swept under the rug. It was during this time that Sharpton hired Vincent Smothers to perform some work for the pair. One by one, Smothers traveled to Chicago and systematically removed Barry's history including Larry Bland, Donald Young, and Nate Spencer. When Donald's mother spoke out and claimed Barry was involved in her son's death, she was immediately enrolled in an asylum and diagnosed with dementia, which was a perfect political move.

The Reign

After successfully running and wiping out the competition, Obama has successfully implemented many social changes. Change has certainly come, as the country is now gun free and all races are able to live peacefully among one another, despite those propaganda stories coming out of North Korea. It should also be noted that Obama has successfully adverted several wars and recently prevented the dangerous Bashar al-Assad from gassing his Christian citizens.

Under Obama's reign, America has truly thrived, as the price of homes, foods and cars has decreased nearly 30% and minimum wages have soared over 40%. The morality rate of Americans has never been higher. Many have petitioned for a change, in order to give Sir Obama an unlimited number of terms in the White House.

Still, this is not to say that his reign hasn't been plagued by detractors, who mainly include white supremacists and racist groups, such as the Tea Party. Overall, everyone is happy and content.

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