Saturday, March 7, 2015

Why Harrison Ford Should've Died in that Crash

Harrison Ford Plane Crash

Harrison Ford, not to be mistaken with the silent film actor of the same name, is currently 72-years old and is being declared a hero for crash landing his plane. However, many people believe Han Solo should've died in that crash. Why didn't he? What kept the senile old man clinging to life? Was it a bit of scientology? Or was it his twenty year younger wife, who kept him alive? Below, you will discover why Harrison Ford should've passed over.

He's 72!

At 72 years old, there isn't much else for Mr. Ford to do. He is being called a hero right now, but wouldn't he have been a martyr, if he wouldn't have made it? Lets face it. Nobody was speaking about Ford, until he up and attempting ariel suicide. Of course, he would've been memorialized for eternity, if he'd passed away in the crash.

He's 72!

Did I already mention that Han Solo is 72 years old? Yes, but look at the circumstances. He's 72 and he isn't getting any prettier, unless he wants to pay for it. What is the point? Calista isn't getting younger or hotter. Isn't it better to go off, when you're on the top? Sleep well Indiana Jones.

His Profile of Work

If you look closely at Harrison's portfolio of work, you'll see that he is ready for a change of scenery. The man is clearly senile and likely suffering from dementia. First, the man breaks his back, then he shatters his ankle, now? He kills himself. Isn't it time to give it up and move on?

He's a bit Hypocritical

Another hypocritical Hollywood Democrat? Oh boy! You betcha! In fact, Ford is a longtime sex buddy, I mean friend, of Bill Clinton. That explains why Harrison enjoys flying planes so much. Of course, the biggest kicker? Harrison hates Hollywood for making violent movies. What does this even mean? Duh! The same man, who stared in Apocalypse Now, The Fugitive and Air Force One? Yeah, Jones, you should be bashing violence in movies. Without it, you would have already been confined to a senior living facility.

Raised an Irish, Jew, but Secretly a Scientologist

Sure, old Ford might've been raised a Jew, but he is secretly a member of scientology. Isn't is fairly obvious? How else would he be able to drop out of the sky and live? Ford obviously isn't a Chesley Sullenberger. Instead, he is more of a Tom Cruise, or maybe a John Denver?

Cowboys and Aliens

Anyone involved with this hunk of shat should've passed in that crash. Even our favorite Fapping victim, Abigail Spencer. Sadly, we saw the pictures and suggest taking a nosedive.

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