Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Best of Baltimore and the Freddie Gray Fiasco

Over the past year or so, America has been edging closer to an all out race war. With the latest in Baltimore and the whole Freddie Gray fiasco, shat is getting serious, people are taking to the streets and smart individuals, like me, have been enjoying the entire circus courtesy of race baiting American media. Sure, last Monday was the most exciting and digesting, but the proceeding days have been full of thrills, spills and madness. Heck, here at Funny Dawg, we've stayed up past 8pm, just to be able to watch the mindless protesters surrender themselves and be brutally corn holed by the Baltimore poleeze. Below, you'll find the best moments of the Baltimore riots.

Mooning in Baltimore

There is no better way to prepare to be arrested than to bend over and show your arse to the police. If minorities were so terrified of the police, they'd obviously know better. Come on brother, don't you remember Abner Louima? Tighten up, straighten up and avoid that sodomy.

Water Hose Stabber

Everyone remember the heroic hose stabber of Baltimore. I suppose that knife isn't a switch blade, so it wouldn't be illegal?

Baltimore Police

Of course, the biggest shocker of the fiasco was the release of the mugshots. The whole world went silent. The video, which has been played innumerable times throughout nation television, only shows whites. Obviously, the case would've been largely ignored, if the races were known from the very beginning. Either way, the narrative changes from race to race.

Of course, you must really follow the story, in order to get all of the facts. In the "hood", grasses, snitches and rats receive beatings and sometimes death. Despite this fact, Freddie Gray, despite being a snitch and likely placing many of these rioters behind bars, is being paraded as a saint.

F The Police Sprayed

Nothing is better than the tough guy, who insists things are going to get serious tonight. Well, they did. At least for him anyway. This speaks to the poor education and parenting in Baltimore. Where is the common sense? At least he got his message across.

White Cop Baltimore

Well, at least one individual is having fun, during the protesters and arrests. Why did it have to be the silly looking white boy? Glory to the lord, hallelujah.

White Thugs Baltimore

And finally, we have the real trouble makers behind the Baltimore protests and riots. These people, which were mainly referred to as "white", bravely faced off against 30 armed Baltimore police officers, who were more than ready to blow their butt holes. Sources close to the Baltimore police tells Funny Dawg that these individuals only left, when the African American gentleman, who can be seen in the picture above, begged his white friends to leave. Suffice to say, rectums remained tight and these activists lived to fight another day.

Freddie Gray Mom

Now, Funny Dawg has some potentially startling information in the Freddie Gray case. Much of the media has claimed that Freddie Gray has downs syndrome, due to lead poisoning. By looking at the image above, you'll be able to see a mother drinking alcohol and smoking on a cigarette. Sure, this seems harmless at first, but be prepared to shat bricks. The pictures are from in front of Freddie Gray's home nonetheless.

Freddie Gray Autistic

Finally, we've discover the truth. Perhaps it wasn't the lead, downs or autism, after all? Maybe it was alcohol, heroine and KFC syndrome? The proof is in the pictures. Despite the unemployment and calls of poverty, the necessities, such as cigarettes, 40s, heroine and Nikes, are never out of reach.

And now, the ugly truth. Baltimore is one of the most hideous cities in America. It ranks right up there with Detroit. The houses and infrastructure of Baltimore is crumbling, due to drug dealers like Freddie Gray. In 1999, the Baltimore Sun reported that "The Sun in February revealed that convicted felons -- from drug dealers to bankruptcy frauds -- have been buying up the properties at bargain-basement prices as low as $3,000 and using them to shelter their profits."

Of course, the real kicker comes, when you begin to explore the current murder stats of the city. Suffice to say, Freddie Gray had a significantly higher chance of being murdered and forgotten than being killed by police. Just look at the recent murders of Baltimore. That statistics show that there are tons of dead blacks and a few whites. Although it is not certain, in all likelihood, some of these individuals were actually innocent. As a career criminal, Freddie Gray was going to end up dead one way or another and it is a miracle he wasn't gunned down in the streets well before now.

Despite all of the fear regarding the paddy wagons, these protesters aren't afraid to end their night in the back of one of these machines of death.

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