Friday, June 12, 2015

What to Do In Melbourne Today

The wonderful City of Melbourne, Australia, is crammed full of Vegemite loving Aussies and filthy Aboriginals. The great Indigenous citizens of the Kulin Nation, which originally inhabited Melbourne, were known for putting on white face and slinging feces at Arthur Phillip and his original merry men of Australians. Australia has changed dramatically since 1788. When visiting the wonderful city, it is vital to protect yourself and watch your back at all times! If you're a female, you should never walk the Melbourne streets alone and always avoid the Aboriginal communities, unless you're escorted by an officer of the law or with a canister of petrol!

Australian wiggers


So, what exactly is one to do, when visiting the wonderful city of Melbourne? Be sure to stop in at one of the concerts for the 5 Melbourne Fags! Why? Well, they show the world that America isn't the only country littered with wankstas and wiggas. Once you return back to America, you won't have to be so ashamed of your 20 year old basement dwelling son, who rocks out in his hoodie, while listening to ghetto rap.

Of course, the real reason to visit Melbourne is to take a tour of the area run by the notorious Carl Williams. Face it, outside of other Aussies, Melbourne is only rememberable for The Baby Face Killer. Be sure to take a detour to Gladstone Park, where Jason Moran sealed his fate. After that, it is time to visit the car park next to the Cross Keys Reserve in North Essendon, where "The Runner" got the job done in an admirable fashion.

What to do in Melbourne today


Finally, it is time to check out the residence of Jeremy Kewley. This serial pedophile was charged with 103 counts of child molesting. This dashing fellow pretended to be inviting children to audition for a movie, before violating them profusely. Yep, Australia has Kewley, Britain has Jimmy Savile and America has about 20+. Feels good to an Aussie!

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